Wednesday, April 1, 2009
What weighs more a pound of feathers or a pound of bricks?
I have a million things that I could blog about but today was a bad weight day.
Most of you know that I have struggled with my weight for most of my adult life. I was the skinny child...actually called Tweety because of my legs. Because I was so skinny I began a life of VERY bad eating habits. Nothing is complete unless it has a sauce on it, cheese is a food group, mayonnaise is a God and sweet tea is the nectar of the Gods.
Add to my eating habits several back to back pregnancies and you have a disaster that was not "waiting to happen"...it actually happened.
My "ahh ha" moment came about a year ago...I remember it VIVIDLY! Hondo walked into the living room to announce that he had lost weight...then he committed the sin of all sins...he stated what he weighed. Not one who is naturally strong in math..it took a hot second for my weeeee brain to calculate that I was within a few (did you hear me? FEW) pounds of my fit and trim husband.
OH SH**, I weighed a FEW pounds less than him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So over the last year I have succeeded in dropping 5 dress sizes ( I will let you imagine the numbers, it is more fun that way) and over 50 pounds. Diets, calories, carbs, slim fast, diet pills and any other fast way to burn a calorie without actually exercising has become my addiction...and my family has suffered right along with me. Now I tell you all how lucky I am..but it is the truth...not one time has Hondo EVER said one thing about my weight. He tells me how proud he is of me...and at the same time that he would love me no matter what my size.
The office that I work in has been doing a "biggest loser". I did not join the group, I had already decided I was focused enough (that is what I am calling it FOCUS). I have followed along with their progress reading the weekly emails. There are inspirational messages posted in the lady's room that I read every day...and I cheer silently when I see them fixing a lean cuisine.
What I did not realize was how completely NUTTY FRUITY I had become..of course my friends knew it...but today it came full circle.
An email was sent out that those who needed to weigh should do so, the scale that was in the bathroom was going to be taken home for spring break. I immediately went into panic mode. I have secretly been going into the bathroom every morning, weighing before I used the little girls room...then weighing after to see if there was any change. I have actually locked the door, taken everything out of my pockets, taken off my shoes, my jacket and sometimes my sweater to see if it made me weigh less. I do check the door to make sure it is locked (my boss does use this restroom also)...I am not proud...but I have even stood on one leg and jumped up to see if it would make me just a pound or two lighter.
I have considered sneaking to the county office and crawling my big fat fannie onto the postal scale....I am sure the superintendant would never notice...I guess tomorrow I am going to have to send out an email that asks them to put back the freaking scale before I have to be committed.
It may never be easy but it will always be worth it.